When Children Grieve Differently: Understanding and Supporting a Child’s Grief

Children don’t grieve the way adults do. They move in and out of it, like waves. They remember in bursts, then carry on playing. They ask the same question again weeks later - not because they forgot, but because they’re still trying to understand.

When my daughter’s friend died, she didn’t want to talk about how she died. She wanted to remember her. To talk about her with her friends - the ones who understood what it felt like in their own way. To visit the memorial and hold the teddies. To have a photo of them together, framed beside a snow globe she chose herself. To keep her close.

In the early days, we found small ways to make space for her grief - through books, creativity, and honesty. The Invisible String became a bedtime favourite, a soft reminder that love doesn’t disappear. And we played a gentle game called Sky, where we could move through worlds together, exploring and connecting in quiet companionship.

There were no local peer support groups - and that’s what she needed most. A space to talk in her own language, with other kids who remembered too. So instead, we created our own tiny rituals of remembering. A journal where she could write to her friend. A suncatcher she made for the classroom. Moments that helped her carry love forward, not just loss.

Our conversations have changed over time. Now, they’re less about death and more about connection - about where love goes, and what it means to feel someone’s spirit close by. We share different beliefs and let her choose what feels true for her.

It’s not easy. It takes time, patience, and so many small mistakes. But mostly, it takes staying open - not shutting down the conversations that make us uncomfortable.

Because if we make grief feel taboo, they’ll learn to carry it alone. And no child should have to do that.

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Supporting a Grieving Child: What Helps

Every child grieves differently, and their needs change over time. But a few gentle principles can help you support them as they navigate their loss:

1. Follow their lead.

Children often grieve in small bursts - moments of sadness followed by play. This rhythm is protective. Let it be.

2. Honour their way of remembering.

Some children need to talk; others need to do. Creative rituals like making a suncatcher, planting something, or keeping a photo nearby can help them hold connection in tangible ways.

3. Keep communication open - but age-appropriate.

Answer questions honestly, using clear, simple language. Avoid euphemisms like “gone to sleep,” which can create confusion or fear.

4. Encourage peer connection.

Children often find the most comfort in talking with peers who understand. If no peer groups are available locally, you can support connection through shared activities, letters, or memory projects.

5. Make space for belief and meaning-making.

Grief often opens up big spiritual or existential questions. Share different beliefs and let them explore what feels right - this helps them form a personal sense of meaning and comfort.

6. Remember siblings grieve differently too.

Younger children may process through play or blunt, confronting questions. Setting boundaries to protect everyone’s needs - like separate times or spaces for talking - can help.

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Helpful Resources

• Books: 

  • The Invisible String by Patrice Karst;

  • Beginnings and Endings with Lifetimes in Between by Bryan Mellonie;

  • The Memory Tree by Britta Teckentrup.

• Creative Games: Sky: Children of the Light (a gentle, connection-based game that can support co-play and reflection).

• For Parents & Caregivers: Griefline and The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement offer resources and guidance for supporting grieving children.